speak up.

la.o.vee

2011-12-12T03:32:00.001+08:00

i have something happy to say now :)

u know the kind of quotes people write about having the perfect guy? hehe. the kind that everybody hopes for? the one that everyone expects their boyfriend to be? well,

LUCKY.ME.IFOUNDHIM :) haha :) ( touch wood, touch wood! ) and i'm head over heellsss!~ hahahahaaha. i'm just plain bored, and since no one reads my blog anyway, heck laa. this is kinda fun, and i know he doesn't read this, so, heheheheh.

A guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, ( everytime )

who calls you back when you hang up on him, ( even if it's my fault, hehe :) )

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep ( =] )

The boy who kisses your forehead, ( favorite!)

who wants to show you off to his friends, (^^ and is more than willing to meet mine)

who holds your hand in front of his friends, ( and everyone else )

who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. ( not sure =P )

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU...

The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"....

the last two will sum up to how grateful i am to have him :) i guess, i must have done some good in my life to deserve him eh? Well, i sure hope he stays, a long, long time :')

+ : i'm also so very grateful for the awesome family and friends i have, and for all the good and bad things in life. I've must be somewhat the luckiest girl alive and i sure am grateful for that :)

see? emo again.

2011-12-12T03:08:00.001+08:00

PSIKE.

2011-12-12T03:00:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i mwish i mean a lot more to somebody than just a f riend, or a girlfriend. sometimes i wish people would take just the way i am. sometimes, i doubt myself because of my own friends. sometimes, i wish things were different.

sometimes i wish i was not so emotionally distressed that i choose to let it all out here, simply because i don't have anywhere else to go. sometimes, i think its funny being emo like this, haha :D

hello :)

2011-11-07T03:14:00.000+08:00

So, so :) since my blog is long gone, dead and buried i thought i'd give it a little resurrection. Post something perhaps. Since Gene, Shireen n ol has things to say and pour, i thought, why the heck not? :P ( cnt help it, im a copycat ) hee. I miss u girls alot tho :(

And, IMISSHIMTOO :( i don't know how people deal with distance, its like i'm so used not having him around, having him around makes it no different and i hate that feeling.

emo jap. will think of something to post soon. nytes!~

<3 cn we go back to old times alreadyy?

The Art of Screwing Up :)

2011-07-23T02:04:00.001+08:00

so, u plan a gazzilion stuff in ur head thinking, this is gonna be it, this is what i'll do n this is exactly how it's gonna be done. then, BOOM! haha. there goes.
- u forget ur most importnat papers
- ur halfway down that bloody steep hill, and u realize u left ur id behind
- it rains. and you're late.
- no notes, no books. wrong bag.
- no wallet.and it's your last day to pay fees. haha.
- u walk around times square thinking, i'm gonna buy something, and your atm card is missing. and you freak out.
- you set the alarm to ring 5 times, one hit and it's broken. and you're 5 minutes late for exam. ( so much for waking up to study la kan? )
- your shoes snap. and you're in the friggin' ktm.
- some hot stuff tries his luck on you, you get excited, then BAM. you have a boyfrienddddd :P haha
- you just screw up.

i know i do. ALL THE TIME. and i'm glad i have so many people around me, who was thre thru it ol :) i love you girls :) can't wait to see you guys soon! :D

no thanks :)

2011-05-01T02:18:00.000+08:00

i don't wanna fall for him. i don't wanna have that super long crushes on anyone anymore.i don't wanna keep thinking about him when there are others who wants me but all i can think of is how you treated me, how you made me feel like myself. how secure i felt. how different. it sucks, and its troubling me to the core. i just wanna feel zero right now and you're letting me do that. i saw someone who looked just like him in church today, and man, was my concentration gone for that whole time. fcuked up la. IDON'TNEEDTHIS.

since everyone is already on their way out of my life, you left much earlier and the rest is on their way,
i feel like i don't have anyone anymore.

peace out xD

h.a.f (home again finally)

2011-04-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

all i wanna do is sleep right now. i wanna stop cracking my head about things that is shouldn't be cracking my head about. i just wanna be happy for real, for once. i wanna stay here, at home, this jungle as some would call it, for as long as possible. i wanna stop being so mad about everything and snap at the smallest thing possible.

heck, its been a long tiring week. mind boggling, soul exhausting. but nevertheless, IMHOMEYEAH. :):):)

i'm gonna sleep and sleep my ass off all day and take my baby for a ride. haha. it took me so long to realise that being here, at home is the only thing that makes me happy. truly happy. no worries, no problemos, no idiots to make me go crazy. yoloyoloyolo~ no assholes to blame me for everything. no guilt to carry.

i gotta admit. i was pretty excited to go home but got a lil' damped coz i thought i had to end up going home alone, well got sorta left in a daze but, no, i made my way babeh. i guess, i increased my independence level a bit la, improved coz i had guts to go n ask a junior if i could follow her to the station, lagi2 someone i was not very keen of but heck la, i had to go home. i had to de-stress. so i pun followed her and here i am, in my own casa (home) and am i not glad to be here.. AHAHA :D

and then you had to come and ruin my mood. and you did, real bad. i was trying to get rid of stinky farts out of my life, and you came, adding shit to it. i don't care what you have to say about me, that's sorta between us, but why drag my friends? you hate them alll you want but don't put them in the light of our problems. neither of us has the right to blame any of them for something they didn't do. none of us. why are you even messing with my head in the first place? am i really that entertaining? =.=" poor sashi, had to hear me blabber away.. sorry ka : ( i owe you one.

and my best friend. i think i owe you an apology. for whatever that i might have done that offended you. i don't know and i'm not sure but i feel like an idiot. so yeah, sorry :( i'm gonna keep my distance now, i can't bear losing you like i lost them. i really can't.

and the rest of the world. chill man. :) and you, please call. i hate to admit that yeap, you're right. maybe having someone who knows me inside out makes me feel insecure, but deep down i'm really glad there's someone who understands.

imma say yes to this :)
nyte folks!

two four twenty eleven xD

2011-04-02T23:35:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry if i was not there to give my shoulder,
i'm sorry if you think i don't care,
pardon me my words if it kills,
i'll make up for it, i will.

i'm trying my best, i'm doin what i can,

i wannna be the best for you,
your holding hand,
your crying shouder,
your little diary,
forgive me please when i fail,
i'm shitty at these kinda things,
i'm trying my best,
i'm truly sorry :'(

NEWSFLASH : I hate it here, i hate feeling like shit and have no one to talk about it to. I hate having people compare me to other people, especially the ones i'm not very fond of. I hate knowing that you're pretending when it comes to me, look, i;'m not that stupid kay, and IT SUCKS. I hate feeling like a hypocrite because.. well, i don't know and i hate myself for it.
I hate not being able to be there for those who need me. I hate not knowing what to say when i want to comfort them. I hate not being what everyone needs. I hate not being me.

And to neutralise this emo-ness a little, I LOVE MY FRIENDS.
* I love the fact that :
= they are who they are
= i enjoy being around my roomates when they're not moody and grumpy
= they all care about each other, like we're real sisters
= we can do the weirdest, cacat-est things in the world, and laugh like crazy about it
= we all watch sad movies and cry, and cry and then laugh at each other
= despite whatever that happened, we all end looking out for each other's back, no matter how much we hate them.
= we can play and talk about anything, almost everything
= and i sayang SHIREEN <3<3 she's the sweeteset most ganas creature i know. and i love her despite she being the weirdest human dinosaur alive. owh, and she whacks like a monster, GANASSS..>.<

see?

i don't have a title :)

2011-03-18T19:00:00.000+08:00

Okies, it might have been a gazillion years since i last updated, its not like anyone reads it oso kan? it doesn't matter and i couldnt cre less :P but nevertheless, TODAY, its update day! :):)

so, i don't know. a recap shall we? yeah, a recap sounds good.. well, well, first and foremost, ;

1) i had an AWESOMEBIRTHDAY! i had two cakes, an awesome party and a gross reception. i had all the awesome people there with me on my birthday and all the awesome greetings. It's amazing the day didn't turn out so bad.. FB was still an existing ssocial network, my tests were all postponed and i got gifts! ~ a bubbles pendant, appolo, a tub of ice cream, creamy bread, owh, and a pouch! loved it all :):) man, it was definitely one of the best bdays ever!! :D

2) Homely matters are getting worse. It's like everyone has something to say about someone around here, and there's always that one person that "started it all". I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having these people act like they know what's going on and poke their pointy noses into our business. It's just plain annoying =.="

3) Sem3 SUCKS. I do not understand a word anybody's saying, ok maybe not a word, it's the whole damn sentence. Physics, Maths andCommunication Skills are dead boring subjects. I'd rather sleep all day than get into that uniform at 7am to go for these classes. You hear me? [saya mau tido!]

4) I'm still trying to figure out how selfishness and love works. Its amazing sometimes what some people can do for love and for themselves. Its like they don't give a damn about what other people feel, how much hurt and dissapointment they caused other people, all that matters is ME. Like seriously, would you do anything for the one you love? I doubt it. Ergh >.<

5) i don't know ady la. I malas suda.

See? This is why my blog would never survive :):):)
adios!

Dead and gone .

2010-08-24T03:39:00.000+08:00

I pesonally believe if one is to be judged simply based on what she knows, how much she knows and why she knows things she shouldn't know, it's absurd. So what? Do I always have to explain myself? Just because i know what a girl shouldn't kknow, I become the most perverted girl you've known?

HYPOCRITES.

I don't even know who my real friends are anymore. They virtually dissapeared into thin air, leaving pain portions for me to take in. I am simply not capable of making decisions, not only for others but for myself as well. It hurts to know you are taking advantage of me, putting things into my mouth, breaking my only backup apart. They were there for me regardless what happened, and you're ruining it for me. It hurts to know in my face, you say one thing, and at the back of my head you say another. I admit, i was wrong, a hypocrite myself butI backed you up no matter what, because you actually mattered to me. Like, A LOT. All of you. If this is how things are gonna be though, I don't think i give a damn anymore, i tried and i obviously suck at it and I love you guys a lot, i really do, but then again, if you can't take me the way I am, okay, whatever. I think amazingly, i don't mind. It's not like i don't know how it's done ryte anot?

haha. :D

knock on ;)

2010-07-10T03:42:00.000+08:00

Ever since i got here, i sing like crazy. I do things i never thought i'd do. I'm extra hypersensitive. I've been called a whale, a ki siao and i'm in a group that makes me happy. We freakin' rock the class man, like secondary days. We laugh like there's no tommorow, and we're all muka tebal wan.. haha. We have haters but we couldn't care less, it's their own problem ain't it? I'm listening to all sorts of songs, chinese, tamil and even korean ( i never liked korean music) and ends up going leng chai and leng lui all the time. I can finally understand chinese and is in the process of brushing up my tamil. I've been insulted and felt extremely hurt but then again, forget and forgive. I met Kah Seng, super annoying and one of a kind. All my friends are one of a kind. I'm falling again and i hate it. I still feel insecure, afraid of people walking out on me. I love you guys, but i need time to develop trust. You hurt me, and the rest and i'm hoping that you see it. I have a family tree and i love it (although things went a lil wrong) :) I miss home. 4 people, I miss you. I like you. I appreciate you, a lot. I need you. I'm blabbering. I need to end this post.

:D:D u make me smile, BIG.

2010-07-10T03:20:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in a while and that would most likely be because i'm too lazy to say anything, or the line here SUCKS. I'm like staying in a freakin' jungle for earth's sake.

FOR STARTERS :)

heh =.='

2010-06-10T13:25:00.000+08:00

swing., im'in IT class and no one's bothered and i'm freakin blogging :P
gt pics to upload. later!

i need to find you.

2010-05-14T03:45:00.004+08:00

The thing is :

Someone once told me, a friend who sees their needs beyond your own are first to be regarded as friends who would walk out on you when you need them most. As cheesy as it may sound, i love her, i really do, but things change, people change, and i'm pretty bad at coping with change. She walked out on me, and maybe, things are not the same anymore.. i simply have nothing to say to you anymore.,i lost you in time, i lost you in hatred for the things you did, i lost you in our friendship, i lost you when i wasn't making enough effort to fix things, i lost you when i was selfish and i'm truly sorry.. but you'll always be my friend, and i'll always be there for you, no matter what, and thank you for everything. Maybe best friends don't last forever after all, but i'm glad we were once the impossible. <3

be my teddy bear xD

2010-04-28T17:15:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhdUucs8AlY
watch :D

i've got an amazing God ^.^

2010-04-25T18:36:00.000+08:00

If The Lord Wasn't Walking By My Side
Elvis Presley

I don't know just what I'd do
If the Lord wasn't walking by my side
When I was drifting (when I was drifting on the sea of a despair)
and I was wandering (I was wandering if Jehovah's up there)

When Jesus found me,(Jesus found me in my sinful life)
he heard me praying (he heard me praying on my knees at night)
Now I'm singing (Now I'm singing this happy song)
because I'm happy (because I'm happy as I go along)
And I don't know (I don't know) just what I'd do
If the Lord wasn't walking by my side
What would I do, (What would I do when a tear fills my eyes)
what would I do (What would I do when it's my time to die)
Well I'd be lonely, discouraged
Burdened on the way
If the Lord wasn't walking by my side every day

I'd be so friendless (I'd be friendless all alone and blue)
and I'd be helpless (I'd be helpless, wouldn't know what to do)
And I don't know (I don't know) just what I'd do
If the Lord wasn't walking by my side

(What would I do) What would I do when the tears fill my eyes
(What would I do) What would I do when it's my time to die
(I'd be lonely, discouraged, burdened on the way)
If the Lord wasn't walking by my side every day

I'd be so friendless, (I'd be friendless all alone and blue)
I'd be so helpless (I'd be helpless, wouldn't know what to do)
And I don't know (I don't know) just what I'd do
If the Lord wasn't walking by my side every day

If the Lord (wasn't walking) wasn't walking by my side
(wasn't walking by my side)

i'm all shook up :o

2010-04-25T18:29:00.002+08:00

It's lets say about 3 weeks before i leave for college and honestly, i'm freaking the hell out. I've got this abnormal phobia of being alone and trust me, i suck at being all alone and working on that make new friends thing., it's just a pretty damn complicating process for me.. pathetic, i know :(

in between boredom and pure pizza and entertainment, i grew to learn a few things that i kinda figured i knew but never knew and then figured "wait, i DO know what this means." and then "maybe not."

1) friends will always come and go, even the ones whom you claim to be your best among the best friends will just walk out on you., and sadly, some of them do.
=> but the thing is, there are friends you can count on, especially, the ones you never expected to walk with when you're alone, and come comforting you when you're down when honestly you would have hoped for the one you thought you could count on., and they'll always come running, you're gonna start noticing how cute they look when they do. xD

2) my dad is right when he says when you're in trouble, it is your family that will stand by you, not your friends.. and if they do, you did a good job choosing your friends.

=> somehow, i never trusted anyone with my problems, not even my family, but little did i realise, my family meant the world to me, and we always stood by each other, in good times or in bad, and i felt safe whenever i was with my family. My friends means equally as much, and those who stood by me, listened to me., i owe them a teddy bear each for being the people i seek comfort in :)

3) i only have myself to confide in , and myself to trust.

=> i never trusted anyone a hundred percent, and i never will. It's sort of a defence thing i have for myself and i don't think I'll let my guard down so easily. As a matter of fact, i can't help but wonder of the possible things that could happen to me whenever i see a potential threat, it starts to annoy the people around me. For that, i blame my imagination ^.^

4) National Service is probably one of the most important events of my life. Without a doubt.

=> the first two days there, i cried like i was stuck in a war in Afghanistan and would do anything to come home INSTANTLY. i won't lie to anyone about that, and I'm proud to say i had the time of my life there. I had great friends, not perfect but fantastic experiences and lots, lots and lots of fun. and whadaya knw, i even got a Sabahan slang and became a huge fan of Sabahan songs :D

and this : kitak sayang kamek ( i love you) <= sarawak

5) Elvis Presley rocks :D

=> i've been so hooked on his songs, i actually go searching for his lyrics and using them in daily conversations.. and watch all his videos on youtube, and look for his movies online and going through my poster book for possible Elvis Presley posters. that bad, yeap.

6) Guys are sperm donors.

=> they could be mean forceful sperm donors or the ones who give it to you because you went to bed with him and would gladfully leave you when you made a baby with it. Although, most guys are cool , nice, loving fathers and brothers and boyfriends, I'm talking about the those who are not.

7) Some people would open their fat mouth and say we should stop global warming and then send out orders to cut those nice shady trees in the neighbourhood.

=> like they say, to handle yourself, use your head, to handle others use your heart. So, GO FIX YOUR HEAD and then talk trees .

8) i am indeed a unique-ette.

=> because, i am who i am, and i do what i have to do.

Sayang Kinabalu – Kimin Mudin

Tinggi tinggi Gunung Kinabalu

Tinggi lagi sayang sama kamu

Biru biru hujung kinabalu tengok dari jauh

hati saya rindu…

Kinabalu dekat di kundasang

Banyak sayur bulih pilih pilih

Apa guna pergi luar negeri naik kinabalu

hati saya rindu…

Sumandak sumandak pun ramai menunggu

Menari-nari lenggang sumayau

Sekali melihat melepak kulitnya

sayang jatuh cinta…

Sayang sayang sayang kinabalu

Kaamatan pesta bulan lima

Sayang sayang kita pergi tamu jalan tamparuli

hati saya rindu…

cheesy

2010-04-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

Hi, my name is: Sabrina

Never in my life have I been: to Mach Pichu

The one person who can drive me nuts is: Arron

High school: is long gone and never coming back :]

When I’m nervous: I look around, n say stupid things

The last song I listened to was: Glee's Imagine

If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: my sisters

My hair is: dark brown

When I was 5: I broke my arm

Last Christmas: i wore a dress and sang karaoke. it was weird.

I should be..: sleeping

When I look down I see: lots of colourful paper

the happiest recent event was: talking to Tommy :) he made me laugh a lot.

If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be: Lisa haha..

By this time next year: 19, college, smiling :)

My current gripe is: Having to stay at home all the time. why is kuantan so small?

I have a hard time understanding: why do people kill monkeys to eat their brains and why does astro keep showing the same programmes over and over again?

You know I like you when: I'm all defensive and stuff.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: My parents.

Take my advice: saying "i love you" after the first date is bullshit, he's trying to get into your pants.

The thing I want to buy: a new pair of converse knicks

If you visited the place I was born: You’d be in a research centre.

I plan to visit: Machu Pichu.. Europe and South America.

If you spent the night at my house: We would eat, talk, watch lots of tv and play games or gossip :P

I’d stop my wedding if: i didn't love him

The world could do without: hunger, AIDS and racism

I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: walk around naked

Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: chocolate

Most recent thing someone else bought me: a book

My favorite blonde is: Marilyn Monroe

My favorite brunette is: Angelina Jolie

My favorite black hair is: Salma Hayek

My middle name is: Sonia

In the morning I: slept all day

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: tigers, pigs, whales and elephants. :)

Last night I was: watching: CSI

There’s this guy I know who: is madly obsessed with his ex girlfriend , he scares me sometimes.

If I was an animal I’d be: a horse :)

A better name for me would be : none. i love my name although when i was younger, i wanted a guy's name, like david. lol

Tomorrow I will be : watching tv and doing home duties :{

Tonight I will be: sleeping.

My birthday falls on: 15th of March

i'm gay and i'm straight :)

2010-04-09T15:42:00.001+08:00

GAY

*happily excited*

*given to social pleasures*

*homosexuals- mostly referred to men*

the kid's got a longgg way to go .. :D

my beautiful nightmare :)

2010-04-09T00:51:00.000+08:00

i haven't been blogging in a while, so, this is a little awkward, but nevertheless i'm itching to blog about ns fr like a long, long time ever since i got back from the CNY hols in camp n im going to do it now., or the very least i'll try =p
so, starting with details,

camp : Kem PLKN Princess Haliza, Sepang, Selangor.

i gotta tell ya, i was pretty damn lucky to have the chance to be there, the people were great, the activities, not as bad as thay claim it to be, the teachers are awesome, the futsal matches, skilled., and the the experience, priceless xD

buddies :

that's linda :) n i miss her a lot.. she's like the ultimate alarm clock, very on time n stuff.., she's rather sensitive at times and she's very much considerate about others. Her locker ; is more like a dry fridge, stacked with food! Trust me, as skinny as she may seem, she's a big, HUGE eater .. :P

Theba. She's super loud, n probably one of the closest indian pals i have there, she's my daddy n she acts like one.. :] she's a tamil-song freak, her tamil songs alone can make the whole dorm go , "Theba, tukar lagu!! " lol.

n this is Kah Fong.. omg, she's cool. she's loud, very "i'll tell u in your face" kinda person n literally strong., sometimes scary, but very nice, but certainly not the kind of person i'd wanna mess around.. :x

did i mention she's rather creative? she broke a lock by her self, n somehow managed to get all the lock components of the lock out as well . :o

Jason n Soon Huat :)

aren't they cute?

that would be fali Grace n lifa Ashley :):)

Grace is like one the most hyper human being i've ever seen, she's always jumping around n making cute faces n luckily it works for her..haha. plus, she's always smiling n energised for some reason i have yet to discover xD

Ashley, is somehow as crazy as fali, but with a little extra mental stability compared to her =p

"see what kind of fun ashley brings when she's around!! see!see!"

LOL.

this is bong :)

somehow, the nicest, humble n crazy all wrapped in one kinda person i've ever met, and the only person i didn't get to hug before i leave., and i terribly regret that :(

she's as loud and caring, probably the first person who acknowledged me when i first arrived,

the ''ninjawati leader" xD

that's nana, and farah, my lesbian lover :P

Ija, more like mummy ija.. i'd say =p

she's like our mini mummy, she knows a lot of stuff, always walking around at night with bedak sejuk masked all over her face ( i gotta admit, sometimes i get a lil scared., ye la, malam2 gitu, sape x takut? )

but i miss her alot.. she's always so positive, it irks me, coz i'm very negative at times, n i miss that :(

lol. this, is Shaun.

he's actually quite manly but this seems good enough :]

he's rather annoying at times, like seriously annoying, but amazingly quite sensitive, anyone would be impressed.. haha.

n he's got this thing he's always saying ;

"i gave my heart to her and she never gave it back, how to give other people?"

well, it's her loss.

my lesbian lover :D

damn, i miss her., although i totally get why people don't like her, i do.. she's unpredictable, maybe sometimes a lil selfish but who isn't ryte? she's very real i'd say, n adorably cute :]

this is De Ming., the lame one. haha.

as serious as he may look, he's filled with lame jokes, but tabik spring la, he knows a lot of stuff i never knew in my entire lifetime, he makes feel like going back to standard one sometimes..

here's one lame piece he made out no where for me in church

( this was when they were so into calling me sabun all the time) :

"imagine ar, you're in a submarine in the sea., and then a fish pass by (this is where the fish's motion with the hand starts ) turn, and look at you and say, " hi sabun!".. ( he stares at that motion for a while )", and goes, "omg, that was so lame."

me and shaun : "SUPER LAME." haha.

that would be us.. sneaking out for coffee :)

this is welly :) he's cute.. and he plays the bass, but he's short :(

lol.

okie dokie, the one with the weird face is Kieran, and the sexy pouting one is Tze :)

they're both super nice and Tze especially, is TALENTED. i mean, i don't know how many kind of instruments she plays, but i really look up to her, n she's really nice too :P

Kieran, is my batu kici-kici.., he does these really cute voices and he's super nice.. he's like my brother in a certain kinda way, and i miss him a whole lot!

that's Linda and Nad. I was pretty close to Nad and she always has these stories to tell, advices to give and precautions to take wherever she goes, and that is pretty unique i guess.. she's very optimistic, but very low profile at the same time.. n she's great the way she is..

that would be my lovely wife , Mira and whacky Jason.

isn't she beautiful?

she's practically the only one i have a pda with anywhere i see her, we even cheek kiss in public.. haha.

there's some other stuff, but it's just between us suami isteri :P

before i forget about atuk, this is Fiqree. he's Linda's guy, and he's really sweet and nice.. not to mention a Romeo in his very own ways i guess, haha. but he's really cool, he can sing, he can pujuk Linda, he looks like the koko crunch mascot, and he can't stand the sun thus being awarded the title "putera lilin" :D

isn't that one hell of a talented guy?

go Lin!

lol.. jkjk :]

haha. this is camwhorer Jin Wei :)

i manage to get him to camwhore with me for the first time in his life.. isn't he adorable?

i've got lots of candid pictures of him, it makes him go "i'll get your phone!!" everytime he sees me with my phone :P

that's Harizul. mann, his eyebrows ROCK. :D

that's abang Tommy and Rachel.. xD

Tommy is probably the only person i keep in touch with every now and then and i enjoy hearing his Klang stories, i don't think i ever got bored.. haha.

Rachel, is my first real best friend in camp, although things changed a little, she was always there for me, and i deeply appreciate that.. she's brutally honest and defensive sometimes, but that's cool., i love her anyway :)

these are two of the tallest guys in camp, Feng being the tallest among all, n Faiz, a Henry Golding wannabe.. =P

Faiz is probably one if not the most shy guy i've ever met, and very gila bola like my bro.. he's had a hard time scoring chicks in camp but i'm pretty sure he's shooting goals like no other these days, especially ever since he lost his shyness a little :P

n we both, well, he admires and i adore Henry Golding :) haha.

Feng, is the tallest guy i've hugged and the nicest person i've known in a limited period of 3 days, and he's really sweet and funny too :)

here's what happened :

it was the day i was leaving for kuantan, and being the pathetic sensitive crybaby that i am, i was streaming with tears seeing all my buddies leaving for Kuching, n some of them ady started hugging me n stuff, and it made me cry like a lot, so i decided to go n sit at the back of the crowd quietly with Farah, when Feng started walking towards me and hugged me out of the blue, what? i only knew him for like 2 days?

he hugged for like 5-8 minutes kot, i knew i cried so much, his shirt was soaked and the next thing i knew, he too, was crying.. i looked at him and he just walked away, standing at a distant corner seeing the rest of the Kuching crew going off..i felt for him, what he did made me feel a lot better.. n somehow, i know i'll remember him for this particular memory he gave me., n i'm gonna preserve it by blogging about it :)

thanx man.

that's us, the VODKAs and the yummy cake Linda got me, moja, apeq and haziq for our birthdays..

thanx macha :):)

i miss you guys!!

xoxoxo

wanna tag?

2009-12-16T03:24:00.002+08:00

so, yea. let's see how this one is gonna go.

did i mention i don't fancy the government much?

*sigh*

hye :O

2009-12-13T18:50:00.000+08:00

so, here's what i've been doing since the much awaited 8th of December :

1) had quite an awesome night at azeeza's for bbq-fry your own noodles-and eat lots of chicken dinner. I somehow came up with a very odd tasting sauce that was made up of mashed potato, ketchup, mayo, bbq sauce, and some whole lot of other stuff i could find on the table, and sadly, only me and nad liked it. Oh well, so what, i had a good run to the toilet back home amd they didn't. Heh.

2) MTVmtvMTVmtvMTVmtv and lots of E!

3) lots of christmas shopping. Although, i'm pretty sure my mom would rather have me home simply because i'd say, "aww, i had this before", "mummy, i got this when i was 10. they're 4, we should get them pop out books", or "how come i never got this for a present?". Sure enough, at the end of the day, she'll just say "can keep quiet for a while anot? who cares? you're 17 not 7." ouch.

4) lonely days and lots of trips to tunas manja to get chocolate. now' i'm broke, and im back to boredom.

5) dying to watch new moon and all the movies i missed out on. the problem is, no geng. SAD.

6) missing my sibling more than ever, amazingly. i used to hate them. A LOT.

7) rehat sampai penat.

8) dan lain- lain. the break isn't much help to my forgetful fragile brain. even my eyesight is all haywire now.

*,*

pre post

2009-10-22T14:22:00.000+08:00

i.m so very depressed. next time, i'll just stay out of the picture and do nothing, and just makan and be fat.

haiz.

im rainbow~

2009-10-03T01:16:00.002+08:00

i don't really know for sure, but for years, i never understood why do people tend to ask me if i'm a malay., especially someone new, a stranger more or less and it's really getting to my funny bone these days., it's flattering at times, but really, really weird..

SITUATION 1 :

O : zee, ni sabrina. sab,( points at the fella) zakwan, tapi kitorang panggil zee je.
S : ok. hi.
Z : hai. (long pause, looks at openg..) erm , awak tak kisah kan kalau saya nak tanya something..?
S : ok. yup?
Z : sabrina binti ape? muka awak ni macam kenal, anak kawan bapak say kot..
S : huh? xde binti2 la..
Z : dah tu? xkan tak de bapak kot?
O : dia bukan melayu la bodo..
Z : ye la, kalau india muslim pun xkan tak de binti kot?
O : ( laughed his ass off ).. dia bukan muslim laa!
Z : owh.. laa.., muka dia macam melayu la, mana aku tahu?
S : well. i'm not.. i'm definitely bukan melayu.. hahaha..

SITUATION 2 :

( people baca doa, in some ceramah dewan )
M : eh, awak tak baca doa ke?
S : kenapa pulak??
M : ye la.., awak tak reti sembahyang ke?
S : i bukan melayu..
M : ek? sorii..x3
S : tak pe..

SITUATION 3 :

( shop)
U : beraya kat mane tahun nie?
S : ( tak faham, but i answered anyway ) kat johor..
U : oo.. kampung mana?
S : entah la..
U : awak tak tahu? camne ni, kampung sndiri tak tahu..
S : ( looks at the unknown person strangely)
U : haiz, orang melayu muda zaman sekarang.. macam2.. ( takes his loaded plastic bag and walks away)
aunty at the counter : awak ni buka melayu kan?
S : ( tersengih malu) tak pun..
* the aunty laughs and tells another 3-4 people about what happened. and obviously, they laughed too. n i don't even know why.

SITUATION 4 :

( time bulan puasa )
My dad and i walks into this restaurant, and we were like sitting there, waiting for food to be served etc.
We had our breakfast and i headed for tuition. In tuition :

F : sab, awak tak puasa eh?
S : buat ape nak puasa?
F : ye la, kan sekarang ni bulan puasa.. takkan awak tak puasa kot?
S : buat ape plak ? i bukannya melayu, nak puasa buat ape?
F : awak bukan melayu eh?
S : ye la, u dunno meh? my dad kan indian..
F : tapi mak u melayu kan?
S : sejak bila plak??
F : ada, hari tu i nampak mak u, muka dia cam melayu je..
* a bunch of chinese fellas were listening to our super loud conversation, and they started laughing like no one's business.

F : jap, kalau awak bukan melayu, awak ni apa? Nak kata muka macam india, tak oun, cina, bukan, awak ni apa?
S : ( explains origins )

~ turns out that, she has only seen my mum and not my dad, because when she saw me in the restaurant, my dad was at the loo., so she figured, i MUST be a malay because i speak bm, and apparently i have, "colour macam orang melayu" and i don't act like an indian. I don't know if that's a compliment or a racist remark or whatever, but cool. It's very flattering in a way.. and a lot of fun.
And the best part is, i like watching certain faces drop when i consume sambal belacan. It's like i was born in England, raised in Holland and brain washed in Malaysia.., they find it so unusual to see me eating typical malay food., it's funny.

so much for being Malaysians. lol.

untitled.

2009-09-18T03:53:00.003+08:00

" tidak semestinya orang yang kita cintai itu mesti kita miliki,
mungkin juga,
dia yang mesti kita lepaskan."

i've been living thinking this is how things are meant to be, and i'm strong, but i'm not.. i know it. i'm always walking away, doing what it takes to just be out of the picture. i chose to be alone and i am. i never want to let anyone in, simply because i never want to burden them and it's stupid., it's so stupid that it's starting to affect the people around me., and myself. it's a lesson i never want to learn., but i try to., all the time.

and i truly respect the courage umm has, for she has unconditionally thought me something i had never had the guts to do, to face life, and face all the bumpers that comes along the road, the stupid potholes, and reckless drivers.. to do what it takes to get there. Thanks Umm.

kumbang.

2009-09-04T15:28:00.000+08:00

if it's not weird that i keep hearing "Strawberry Fields Forever" in my head when i'm writing my essays and "Let it be" when i don't have any answers, "Runaway" when i doing my sejarah ( awake) and "All you need is Love" when i suddenly think of a certain heart broken friend ; dreaming of John Lennon during Sejarah (asleep) is super weird.. like having Beatles fever lidat.. :O

I can't wait to hear what pops into my brain next week.
XD

shoes huh..?

2009-08-23T13:16:00.007+08:00

so, the other day i was watching Beyond Borders for the fourth time, and it struck me, people are really homeless and starving. They're practically dying of starvation and diseases, and here I am, constantly being picky about what to eat, what to wear, what to do, skip classes and why on earth do i need to take the school bus to school? In some places, kids don't get to go to school, they walk hundreds of miles a day, they don't have proper meals, raped and made slaves at the age of 3, some are diseased and have rotten flesh with flies all over their body, some left to die by the desert.. and they're just kids! In Africa, babies are raped simply because it is said a virgin can help cure AIDS, and guess what? The younger, the better of course. What sort of stupidity is that if i may ask..? Which bloody idiot would be that bloody idiotic to do such a bloody irresponsible, senseless, selfish thing..? Some bloody fuckers would.

i honestly believe they deserve better. A proper life. I wish they they had what we have.

check out these sites to learn more :

http://www.unhcr.org - UNHCR

http://www.icrc.org/eng - ICRC

http://www.un.org/en/ - UN( United Nations )

http://www.theirc.org - SOAR

I know I've always said i want to find the cure for AIDS someday, now i know i really want to..

point.0

2009-08-22T00:38:00.002+08:00

i'm aching to speak my mind... but hurting the ones i care about may not be the best option i have.. for now.

and maybe i really should learn to SHUT THE HELL UP. i've been told i talk too much.
lol

orange

2009-08-17T17:24:00.005+08:00

QUIZ : What's ur inner colour or something lidat la.
RESULT : Orange

Values:
Freedom
Adventure
Variety

Joys:
Fun
Adventure
Performing

Strengths:
Independence
Flexible
Optimistic

Needs:
Freedom
Money
Recognition

Frustrations:
Being on time
Unnecessary Routine
Lack of Money

At work you are bored and restless with jobs that are routine and structured and satisfied in careers that allow you to have independence and freedom. You are a natural performer.

In love you seek a relationship with shared activites and interests. With your mate you like to explore new ways to energize the relationship. You need to be bold and thrive on physical contact. You enjoy giving extravagant gifts that bring obvious pleasure to your loved one.

In your childhood you have the most difficult time fitting into academic routine. You learned by doing and experiencing rather than by listening and reading. You needed physical involvement in the learning process and were motivated by your own natural competitive nature and sense of fun.

QUIZ : What Makes You Happy?
RESULT : Love

The thing that makes you happy,even though you might not realise it is love and caring. You like to spend quiet time at home with your family or hang with your friends. As fun-loving as you are, you're also a very emotional person and would have a hard time dealing with life without the love ingredient. The ability to make people laugh is always on your side. Don't lose it. Careful though. Being so nice can go a long way. And having so many friends, some of which in constant need of attention, can be very stressful at times. Don't overdo it. After all, being so open and friendly for no apparent reason also brings in the threat of becoming vulnerable to traitors, hypocrtis etc... Trusting is always a risky business, don't let anyone invade your privacy, and never get too carried away in those annoying optimistic thoughts. Safety first (: Your ideal romantic match is an opposite of your character.
He/she'll complete you in a unimaginable way and make you feel truly content, special... fulfilled

i hate it when quizzes get me right.

random (ii)

2009-08-05T16:10:00.005+08:00

i wanted to post about some drama, the swine hols and a video of Iqa singing, but i lost my thumbdrive, lost some mood and I'm itching for peanut butter and chipsmore. Someone suggested i try emo-ing to turn my boring days into something different, but i guess not, I'm not very good at it.. XD

p.s: i think skate boarding might be fascinating to try someday... and fall.. and break my arm again .. and fly. Oh well, what the heck..?

random

2009-07-31T00:46:00.003+08:00

I'm not quite sure why i decided to go to school today , but i guess i got kinda lucky or else, i wouldn't have gotten the big news. THE SCHOOL IS SHUTTING DOWN FOR A WEEK. It's not that exciting i guess, coz, i think, most people were more freaked out, some even cried , i know i almost did. I just had a sudden "freaked out " moment and called for Aisyah at the top of my lungs. I mean, i WAS under quarantine ( unimaginable torture )<- language check!! . It was havoc. Nothing much though, just loads of admaths, maths and a whole physics module to finish in a mighty week. Plus, I'm sooo gonna miss out on my license, I'm suppose to have my test next week. Not to mention, if whoever sits with me in that car knows I'm from school, I'll definitely fail for sure. After all, SMART did get a 15 sec preview on tv3 iyte..? He might even throw me out of the car for all you know.

1125

2009-07-27T13:58:00.003+08:00

maybe it is true, that I'm a pig when it comes to studying. A big fat LAZY PIG.

thus, i shall make a vow..:

I Sabrina Fernandez will stay away from the computer for a solid (24x4)+ 8 hours starting from this very hour onwards and study. however, where the tv is concerned, i'm entitled to 2 hours or less of mtv, 1 and a half hour or less of who's line is it anyway and the simpsons and 45 minutes of tv from 7.30 onwards. So the math will be :

24-2-1 1/2-3/4-8 = roughly around 11 hours 25 minutes a day.

sounds good to me.

adios..!!

uptown-ed

2009-07-25T14:53:00.003+08:00

oh, sire..
can't you get me anymore addicted to mtv..?
i've been yelled at and banned from tv and yet i stll go back..
MTV.
and now, one week, one week, sire, quarantine yg tak berapa nak make sense, is granting me wht i've been missing out for along time.

- mtv
- kelayakan exam without ponteng-ing sejarah seminar
- driving license
- proper studying
- a chance to finally tidy up my room
- watch more movies
- sleep
- play scrabble..haha
- skip school when i feel like it, WITH PERMISSION.
- more coffee (yeay!)

haiz.
thank you God.

~.~

2009-07-16T21:04:00.003+08:00

Oscar Hammerstein, II:
Do you love me because I'm beautiful,
or am I am beautiful because you love me?

if i were to say this right,
i'm beautiful because I LOVE ME..

(tht's gnna take some time though) :D

zero gravity

2009-07-15T15:26:00.003+08:00

i have no idea why i love wasting time doing crappy, tidak berfaedah stuff.. like surfing the net when i SHOULD be studying. well, i skipped skool to study ryte, that's exactly what i should be doin.. of which reminds me of.., ADDMATHS..

i need an organised life.
BADLY.

human-humane-whatever

2009-07-10T17:07:00.005+08:00

so what,
so i've got a smile on
but its hiding,
the quiet superstitions in my head...
(John Mayer - Why Georgia)

i saw you in a dream
a dream that always seems to be real
the truth is nowhere near
and i don´t care
i´ll just sleep my life away
while dreaming of you
(War Tapes- Dreaming of you)

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything...
(Jason Mraz- Details in the fabric)

i love this :
There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all- in my life beatles

Where do we go, nobody knows
I've got to say I'm on my way down
God give me style and give me grace
God put a smile upon my face

Where do we go to draw the line
I've got to say I wasted all your time
Oh honey , honey
Where do I go to fall from grace
God put a smile upon your face
yeah

And ah, when you work it out
I'm worse than you
Yeah, when you work it out I wanted to
And ah, when you work out where to draw the line
Your guess is as good as mine

Where do we go, nobody knows
Don't ever say you're on your way down when
God gave you style and gave you grace,
And put a smile upon your face
oh yeah

And ah, when you work it out I'm worse than you
Yeah, when you work it out
I want it to
And ah, when you work out where to draw the line
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's as good as mine,

It's as good as mine
It's as good as mine
As good as mine, as good as mine
As good as mine, as good as mine

Where do we go, nobody knows
Don't ever say you're on your way down when
God gave you style and gave you grace
And put a smile upon your face
( Mark Ronson/ Coldplay- God put a smile on your face)

s0..

2009-07-03T17:00:00.002+08:00

i got ns..!!!! Woo hoo..!! yayay..~
can't wait..
damn i sound gdfake.
:l whatever . im hving fun wherever i go., preferably sarawak..hehex

plus, i tink that orangy vest the school gave us is pretty cool but really bright and U***. I'm dying to flaunt it, when i feel like peeing one of these days that is.. I'd rather fly white and blue..~

watch these : really civilized.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwqPOkcXrYQ
: cute
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDlQm5jFL50
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6H6CcGiuFo

i wanna get new shoes..O.o

2009-06-02T17:25:00.004+08:00

i am happy. i can laugh. im alive. i've completed my universal duties to the world, and to the people around me. all done and complete.

In 20 years to come, i'm gonna travel the world, be in a band, be famous, hopefully still being mentally well, and be HAPPY. Like REALLY happy. I still want a hot, footballer-musician-b-boy, drop dead gorgeous boyfriend before i turn 30 of coz ( will never happen, i know). Get rid of my hidden emo-ness, and start learning to be on my own and fly solo. Eat more food and maybe rule the world. Go to lots of concerts and step into Vegas one day.. walk the red carpet maybe? hahar.. and have my very own customised Converse sneakers.. (wahar!)
i dislike FAKE emotionless people, don't want to be one, i'd rather be a classy bitch instead. LOL.. i like laughing, will do more of that.. :D and maybe open my own starbucks., like, "sub-bucks" or "sobucks".. haha..

Damn, life would be great.

latte, anyone..?

2009-05-17T22:04:00.006+08:00

I had a dream. I was big and loaded. I lived in a huge house, 2 pools, a tennis court, an indoor arcade, a basketball court, and a football field even.. it was WOW. I had my own dream team playing on the field. Big bunch of hot footballers.. * fuuh..* I was so bloody famous, Bill Gates having coffee on the verandah with me.., business plans for the future and all.. and this tall, buff guy walks in, damn, his eyes..lala~ my butler la konon.. offers me a call., and

Me : Haloo..?

Stranger on the phone : Miss Sabrina..?

Me : ( thinking) waa.. i must be a bomb.. Yes?

Stranger o.t.p : Wake up pig..!
Me: Huh..? Who is this ..?

Stranger o.t.p : Get your butt off that bed, now!

Me : What..? Sorry mam, I'm sitting., wrong number.. ( hangs up)

I look up to Mr. Gates, apologizes and reaches out for my latte.. It suddenly seemed to be running away from me.., i was confused, what the hell? C'mon, not now.. Then, a voice spoke. Familiar. All of a sudden, it was all blurry and foggy., and in the midst, i saw her.. "Did you study your addmaths ? Its next week and you haven't done anything !" Everything dissapeared. No Bill Gates, no team.. no hot butler. And i thought to myself, "What happened to me being big and loaded..? Since when did I go to school again ? This ain't right.."

As my heavy lids opened..,
Nana stood before me; "Wake up la, lazy pig! You don't want to go school ar..?"
Ryte.. now i know..

Damn.

smart, what..?

2009-05-10T17:10:00.003+08:00

Today was quite a "moment" despite the fact the whole event was really.. SAD. I got to be the useless deejay assistant, seriously, just collecting requests and thumbdrives.. and adele oso, and her " i tink was very bored but stucked with her anyway, sweet, patient" bf , beebee, wen jun and amalen. Part one of the day was quite haha, the other half was muahaha.. Fairuz and Hazim's performance kinda rocked i tink, Fairuz sound so bluesy and coarse (lol) and we hung out with the guys, played truth or dare which turned out rather hillarious. Zaid made quite a confession, all blushed up and ann bee had to do a dare with her fifi., which was even more muahahaha.. It was all merry and "embarassing " for some.. At the end of the day, I'm home satisfied.. For today is the day I'm very sure hope is hopeless, and that for as long as he is happy, I'm good.. I guess my last year here didn't turn out so bad after all., ada jugak stuff to dikenangkan someday.. lol

and..,
I think it is today, that i finally let go.

yaya bff's..

2009-05-01T13:14:00.003+08:00

Somehow, I'm glad i don't trust anyone. People can be really mean and hurtful, although there's no denying I've caused a scar or two but, i don't trust me either.. Even if they're your closest friends, i guess some things are more worth their time, the people you look pass are often the ones who stay by you., even when you walk away. Some people stick by you for what you 're worth, faking every bloody thing they say or do, pathetically just to be within your bright light. I guess friends aren't always angels in disguise, help when you're in need, but their own selfish person within. Not all la, ade jugak yang baik.. Most of them actually, but it takes a lot to get stuff out of me, and guys, thanks for being there, i appreciate it. To those it may concern, no offence, i'm trying to do this as nice as possible. I still don't trust anyone, and thanks to my best friend and experiences, I'm glad I'm that way because, if I'm not, I'll definitely be a broken person. The deppressing type.. a 100 times worse than i already am. I won't be watching football, and would definitely hate love songs.. but, i don't and I'm normal.., and with normal comes my wonderful ability to crap and imagine.

And with imagination, comes a lot of wonderful things that is yet to show..
=D muahaha...~

mimpi.

2009-04-17T17:42:00.002+08:00

swipe. * swipe * swipe *...

I am delusional. Just this morning, i thought i saw a kid in blue shorts and white tee run past me just before the class entrance, and as i looked back, nothing, no one. *SCARY*. Then,n during BI, i thought i saw people on the coconut tree, and obvious enough, there was no one. As i was learning Bio, i'm pretty sure i saw someone jumping down the building, a guy.. but i ignored it, because it was at that point i realised, i was hallucinating. A lot. And guess what, when i came home, i kinda tertidur on the couch, and i saw the kid again., in my dreams.. haha, it was soo weird.. LOL.

p.s: Amir, congratz on your world record.., im proud of ya..
Abu, HAPPY BIRTHDAY..!
Zack, screw your brains off.. dork.

Me : buck up and do your folio.. genius.

2009.

2009-04-12T18:15:00.003+08:00

O.o sometimes, people just have to listen to opinions., thoughts of others and songs with actual meaning. Life has to be miserable and memories fun. Friends ought to be real, and enemies forgiven. Rock songs totally rock, but the The Beatles has juice. Love songs rule., and those who love them are not softies, they're just sensitive. Girls love football, we're in modern world. Guys are losing cool, they're not as popular anymore. We've got brains, and they've got ( fill in the blanks).. some are geniuses however. But..

These days, GIRLS RULE and guys just have to live with it.
:D

i grow pecan nuts on coke base..

2009-04-09T21:51:00.002+08:00

I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH :

* my failing addmaths streak..
* the crap that has been decided for me
* MANCHESTER UNITED.. haha
* my pathetic self
* yucky black coffee
* ice cream + yucky black coffee ( trust me, it sucks..! )
* homework
* exams
* people who backstab their friends
* snobs (eg. ... dan adiknya)
* ....

I'm just too jammed up to write what i was planning to write in the very begginning, that is to write about something i don't remember wanting to write to even start with. Therefore, i crap.
Tuntasnya, ..

Duh. Whatever. I think I'm just plain BORED and DEPRESSED.
"haha.." anyone..??

tertinggal.. :p

2009-04-03T16:17:00.002+08:00

i left a couple of things out earlier..

i intended on reminiscing on my past.. some pics i found when i was a kid.. here's the best one..

thriving me..

2009-04-03T14:40:00.005+08:00

"...don't wake me coz i'm dreaming., of angels on the moon..."

nowadays, it seems to me that things are really kicked out of context, i mean generally. Really. Are people getting blur-er or some people are just plain ------ ??? Gosh.

Seriously , truth be told, i am selfish in my own way, but aren't we all..?? I have problems to deal with, people to dislike and hate, guys to gasp for, movies to watch, football to catch up with, exams to work on, friends to hang out with and OBVIOUSLY, a life of my very own to enjoy. I hate that I'm becoming a fake, hypocritical and depressing person in me.., now that i finally realise that it hurts a lot more on the inside that what's seen on the surface. BENCI. I'd rather be myself and deal with my own problems with my own bloody brain.. now that I'm failing my subjects, that'll be on hold :p

On the other hand.., i re-invented the lamella dance. It's a lot funky now, and classy + goofy.

MC Hammer will be sooo proud of me... and we'll all dance on the moon., boogie-ing away..

not like this of coz.. we'll go more like

" ah ha ha ha.., stayin'n alive, stayin' alive..!! "

even the Bee Gees are gonna be proud of me..
haha.. standard la tuu... :D

if expressing was easy..

2009-03-28T00:38:00.009+08:00

if expressing was easy..:

"... i think i love you but i think i hate you. i'm just not sure but i know what i'm feeling, just not so sure if that's it. you're always looking out for me, you know, play, goofing around and all but are we just friends..?

hmm.. i don't know. do you..? we're distant now, but we ARE friends right..?? i mean.., i need you. sometimes, i miss you. i even think i have a crush on you. haha :D but maybe i really do. i don't know. my heart races when i'm with you. i respect you. i just.. know , when you're nearby.. but i'm still confused.. well, i think i'm getting it., and i know my boundaries now and i'm sure, very sure."

" i love you.. friend "

expressing is NOT easy. never was, never will be. well, not for me at least. :]

Screw my pacemaker..

2009-03-27T17:40:00.001+08:00

Finally. Its all said and done, drained from every part of my brain, medulla oblongata included , every bit of neuron triggered and activated to look beyond the scribbled white paper i call , well you know.. exam papers. Sakit kepala otakku dibuatnya..

Misery aside, the hols. OMG. I was soooo close., but i guess it was not meant to be. The very day i'll remember for a long, long time., the very day i almost made it to the Sunburst Festival. The best part was, i was JUST NEXT DOOR. The Selangor Royal Club to be exact.. All along, throughout the whole night , my heart was aching in pain while having my so-called vegetarian dinner listening to a couple of guys singing a bunch of good old oldies, sipping coke, and watch drunk men crap and make a fool of themselves. Pathetic, i'd say. haiz.
My cuz and I was all thoughts on the event next door, aching every time i hear crowds cheering..

Me : Oooo Myyyy Gooosshhh...!( in my head).. chi, it's here..!

Daphne : omg. ya la.. i would have been there.

(earlier, she was telling me how she had xtra tickets to go but had to come to kl instead for the dress, but, little did we expect to be so close..!!!)

Me : haiz. tak merasa la kita ek..

Daphne : ahuh.. so close..

Me : ..yet so far..

(tiba-tiba)

Dad : why this people park their cars here ?

Aunty : ya la, so selfish..

Mom : they think , this one their bapak punya jalan ar..?

Me and Daphne : no la, its the sunburst festival going on.., its 12 hours of music, non- stop.

Dad : what?? what kind of name is that..?

Me : nice wad pa..

Mom : 12 hours..?? not tired ar..? huh..,children nowadays. macam-macam..

Dad : tell u wad, on our way back we'll get you girls some t-shirts. You can go back and tell your friend you were here. Same la tuu..

Aunty and Mom : ( chuckles)

Me and Daphne : - speechless-

After parking, that's when it really hurt. I could see it, just not so clearly.. and the music.., haiz.

and i told myself,

one day,

I'll make it here.. i definitely will..

and

i never got my shirt.. --' zzz...

my blunder moment..

2009-03-13T16:03:00.000+08:00

People : Sab! how was tennis..?

Sab: We lost in the finals.

People : Waa.. silver la..? Congrats..

Sab : Yea.. thanks.. ( you have no idea..)

i hate to say this but i regret having taken part in that tournament. I enjoyed it, but not much to say i loved it. i've never felt as humiliated and embarassed in my life before, out of place and useless. i don't think i'll ever have the courage again, to play in a tournament, ever. i am officially, emotionally ruined.

my guardian for life..

2009-03-09T00:15:00.000+08:00

for all the things that i am truly grateful for, for my family, my friends, the things have, the food i eat, mtv, the license i'm about to get, the sibling rivalry, the nagging, all the things that never mattered and above all, my life.
the many chances i've been given to actually live, the many experiences where i escaped death, and the many angels in disguise sent to save me, i am grateful.
to be given a heart to love and feel, eyes to cry and see and a mouth to speak and gasp, i am beyond words to express.. i'm 17, maybe a bit too late, but i see now the many things that were meant for me.. the miracles performed for me..
i owe my life, the times when i almost lost the chance to live, the sea, the ceiling, the corridor, the cars, the lightning.. and for being saved everytime, i'm grateful. for keeping him by my side, my guardian angel, all the times of my life..

tweaks ..

2009-02-27T17:45:00.000+08:00

i never really noticed, but, i THINK i've come to realise how much of a doink i am.. i mean generally. BIG DOINK.. if today hasn't gotten any better, i think it may have been a little bad, but a lot of fun.. something la.., i'm bad at explaining stuff, another doink factor that i seem to possess. :p but anyway, i've never been to so many showrooms in my life before..! haha.. i know how jakun that must sound but it was so much fun! first s/r we went to was honda where i literally knocked myself into this huge car, white and pretty famous on the road, but i tak tau nama. then we went to toyota, huge place., lots of cars and 2 cute guys ^^ then we stopped by the benz punya s/r, but my dad won't let us follow him in cause he was just dropping by to get some papers, but, we got close enough to the door, i'll consider that a visit..

before hand, i was thinking to myself, "OMG. Sab, get a life. Shut your big mouth and stop apologising for stuff you didn't do. Just STOP BEING A DOINK. Really. "
- that happened in school.. when stephen and kevin broke the door knob to teacher lynn's room., and she was PISSED. I felt bad for them and well., i must have had a reason to put that wise thought in my head..

hahax.. ~ funny part I

2009-02-26T21:36:00.000+08:00

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.Bruce bravely walks up to him and says
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies,
"Well, Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" !
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce replies instantly, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to.After a second, Mr. Smith says,
"Well, Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Mr. Smith doesn't think the little shit is adorable anymore..

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

HOW TO GUESS A WOMAN'S AGE..

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?""About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her.She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"
The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise! I won't" she says.
He replies,

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

MY LOVE ~ my enemy

2009-02-20T16:55:00.000+08:00

I loath you..

despise the sight of you in my eyes,

i'd rather grow up,

knowing i never knew you,

i never cared for you..,

ever and ever..

i hate you,

the way you make me mad at you,

all the times you just make me think,

evrytime you make me smile,

i have all the doubts in the world for you,

you're an actor,

a liar, betray me not,

hurt me always,

made me cry,

tore me apart..

i have all the reasons to hate you,

every single piece,

evey word..,

every look,

everything..

you just don't care,

and neither do i,

you're my enemy for long,

i just don't like you..

and i simply don't care about what you think of me..

but..,

somehow,

i miss you,

so much that i'd rather have myself fighting over silly things with ya,

all over again..,

yelling in your face,

for the stupidest stuff possible,

knowing that you know i exist,

i just miss the way you smile,'

your eyes when you're sorry,

your words reassuring,

your friendship never dying,

when i was your friend,

you were my enemy,

you broke my heart always,

but in often times,

you were the one who patched it up

i never really noticed,

never bothered to, really,

but you stood by me,

invincible to my eyes,

oblivious to my soul..

no matter how much i regretted knowing you,

i'm glad i at least have you,

i will always miss you more,

always..

too much that i don't ever wanna forget you..

and as much as i hated you,

i never really did,

because everytime i say i do,

i just cared even more,

so much that i am now saying..,

my friend,

I LOVE YOU..

more and more everyday..~

love + misery = lalala land..

2009-02-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

LOVE....~

MISERY...~

It's rather funny, how love can cause so much misery.. don't you think..??

so much pain, so much sufferings and well, so much sex i suppose ?? well, not for everyone but, who knows..? i know of some "beings" who apparently enjoys the labour of love despite the pain endured.. gila wan.. :P

Well,

Love, should well., rightfully, be selfless.. despite whatever happens, to be there and to never leave , to know let her/him know you're there even after a terrible terrible break up and a miserable "dumped you"scene for your best friend.. Even then, letting him know he's important, cared for and a friend, it wouldn't cause a blade to come storming in the air and through his heart for gdness's sake.. plus, it was your best friend that he dumped you for, and if you really cared, you'll be happy for them.. It's your chance to prove your so - called vow, the very infamous "to do anything to make you happy " or "i'll die for you" or anything else that you lovers say.. your chance to prove that you really cared and you really wanted him to be happy., for real. Instead of, having a few girlfights and backstabbing her ( your best friend ) every now and then, spreading rumours and and telling the world how much of a bitch she is., you should just, move on. Put on a fake smile or two and just, move on. Simple. Spare the trouble for the future mistress your husband's gonna have after you pop a few babies and maybe a couple of twins.. Lagi bagus ryte..? :l

2009-02-08T18:24:00.000+08:00

IRON AND WINE

ANDREW PAUL WOODWORTH

Iron and Wine rockzzz...!! Yea, so maybe the lead guy looks all scruffy and untidy, beggar material but he's voice is so bloody soothing...! Gosh.. i hate to say this but seriously., he sounds so good.. Really, check out flightless bird, american mouth and each coming night as well as boy with a coin.. you'll see what i mean.. and also check out, Andrew Paul Woodworth 's Thick Black Mark.. that is one hell of a man with modest looks with a banging voice...

( P.S : It is only highly recommended for people who can stand slow moving, meaningful music..)

mY friDAY

2009-02-07T00:18:00.000+08:00

Ookay. the day sums up to a pretty good-unpredictable-blur-fascinating-lame day. OMG.. school was.. err, ok., but awfully weird.. see, as i walking up the stairs this morning, to my oh so high class , i ended up walking into 4 SB whan i was supposed to be headed to 5 SB instead, putting my bag and well, realised i was in the wrong class.. (malunya...!!). Good thing no one was there, or else, tak tau laa, there goes my shade of dignity.. anyways, the day went on.. lalala~ until it was time time for English.., Izat dropped by, while i was rushing into my Bio, scribbling lots of last sentences and diagrams, laughing on jokes and all until I came to notice.., Izat tends to sound gay sometimes.. I mean like, HOMO kind of gay.. seriously.. (but he's not, i'm sure..) Anyways, the girls were talking about Bolly actors, Iqa, Pri, Mirah, Nad and Dayah that is.., and out of no where, Izat blurted , "Hrithik tu hensem kan..? Mata die sexy gler..", and Priya obviously agreed, and the convo went on and on, to shah rukh and lalala...~ and I, was like "huhh..??", the way he said it, it was as if he was a die hard fan who happens to know every inch of that fella's body.. haha..

Honestly, i found it pretty funny in a way.. Everyone spilling their thoughts, bolly actors, their wives, hot bods, and sexy eyes (especially when it came from Izat, LOL).. and i trully enjoyed the history of Izat's gay cross over, edited and exaggerated by Mirah such that Izat had to go, '' Sumpah tak, Mirah ngarut(x5...)", trying to regain every single slice of dignity he's got left.. LOL.. :p

Not long after, i balik, jumpa kartia, qian , and michael.. makan, kena nagging from my mom about not being positive and being negative..lalala~ balik, tidur.. then, off to tuition.., here's the thing, there was no tuition cause well, apparently, the teacher was warded, and we, the ever so rajin students stood outside waiting for him for half an hour before finally realising there was NO teacher.. hmmph. Me and Fiza made some calls and eventually decided to tell Zaid, who was sitting in the comfy seat of his car.. Fiza did the talking, his mom called the teacher, and they just left. Easy work done. Talking to him at that time was not an option , we had some issues, and i'm very much embarassed by it.. I hate those knowy looks he has,, scares me sometimes..

What a day.. ( ", )!!

pals, hypocrites and buddies in my world..

2009-01-31T18:27:00.000+08:00

I am human, with apparent feelings inside out.. blame me for it but i can't help but to feel out of place, betrayed, and often humiliated by the people i'm around with., like i'm some kind of joke..

It's always like, "Sab, wht were you talking about with XXXX just now..??", "You don't tell me stuff, am i not your friend..?", see..??

What i'm trying to say is, COME ON..!! What the HELL is wrong with you people..? I'll do what i want, whenever i want, and however i want it.. and when it doesn't concern you.., STAY OUT of my damn business..! And the best part is, when i DO tell you, you go around telling the world.. WTH??

Yeah, so i maybe very patient with the jerky stuff some people do to me, acting like it was nothing, "no big deal". but you don't have to push it.. People call me stupid for being that way, but i'd rather be concerned about how YOU would feel being humiliated, than how i would look humiliated.. i might sound like a hypocrite, but i'm not to blame, i am around people of the same category.. they're all around me.. Glad to know though that some people just happen to know what i feel, and thank goodness, they don't treat me like crap.. they somehow call me stupid for it.., and they are, the ones that i know who would really look out for me..

I may be really dumb to actually put up with you people but, hey, you're my friends, i respect you, and i demand to be respected the same. You maybe some sort of hypocrite or a jerk, but it wouldn't kill to treat people a little better..

cheerio..~

Mental hols diosorder ( M.H.D) haha...

2009-01-29T18:23:00.000+08:00

As often said, i say it that is, thingys work at a certain period of time.. unconventionally i think .
all i knw is.., the HOLS SUCKK!!! Im bored to death, bloody worried if im ok ( health-wise) and stuck at home.. and also, i've finally come to realise that im a sucker at having fun when i dnt have people around to annoy. Sounds like a mental disorder to me, but what the heck..?? I don't give a damn.. I just don't care anymore.. Anyone notice the effects of all this on me..??

i curse too much..
Gosh.. but i dnt give a damn !
i have a self discovered disorder..
and i mite get famous someday fr it..
hahax..~

starts of me.. ends of me bloggie..

2009-01-29T15:18:00.000+08:00

Its only wise to say my old blog was pretty sad and junky.. thus, making a new blog wouldn't make any difference. Expect not much from one of a kind pitiful blogger like me for she has, trust me, nothing at all to offer.. just bullshit all the way..

all and all,

I'm Sonia Willims

I am 17

I am miserable

I am (ahakz) NOT gay..

I am uncertain

I am... whatever fits into the sentence...

and I will be mostly represented by the bear above..

weee...~~~