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1.30 am. blogging when i should really be studying. blogging when i should really be sleeping. blogging when i should really be dreaming with a smile.

blogging when i really should be happy. i promise this is my new favourite place to come to, because when i really should be talking, letting it out, i'll be blogging yet again.

my life's a mess. a BIGBIG mess. and i'm a part of that mess. and i'm putting a fullstop at every sentence because i have nothing to say. because i'm bored and i'm off to tumblr.

la.o.vee

i have something happy to say now :)

u know the kind of quotes people write about having the perfect guy? hehe. the kind that everybody hopes for? the one that everyone expects their boyfriend to be? well,

LUCKY.ME.IFOUNDHIM :) haha :) ( touch wood, touch wood! ) and i'm head over heellsss!~ hahahahaaha. i'm just plain bored, and since no one reads my blog anyway, heck laa. this is kinda fun, and i know he doesn't read this, so, heheheheh.

A guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,  ( everytime )

who calls you back when you hang up on him, ( even if it's my fault, hehe :) )

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep ( =] )

The boy who kisses your forehead,  ( favorite!)

who wants to show you off to his friends,  (^^ and is more than willing to meet mine)

who holds your hand in front of his friends, ( and everyone else )

who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. ( not sure =P )

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... 

The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"....

the last two will sum up to how grateful i am to have him :) i guess, i must have done some good in my life to deserve him eh? Well, i sure hope he stays, a long, long time :') 

 
+ : i'm also so very grateful for the awesome family and friends i have, and for all the good and bad things in life. I've must be somewhat the luckiest girl alive and i sure am grateful for that :)

see? emo again.

PSIKE.

sometimes, i mwish i mean a lot more to somebody than just a f riend, or a girlfriend. sometimes i wish people would take just the way i am. sometimes, i doubt myself because of my own friends. sometimes, i wish things were different.

sometimes i wish i was not so emotionally distressed that i choose to let it all out here, simply because i don't have anywhere else to go. sometimes, i think its funny being emo like this, haha :D

hello :)

So, so :) since my blog is long gone, dead and buried i thought i'd give it a little resurrection. Post something perhaps. Since Gene, Shireen n ol has things to say and pour, i thought, why the heck not? :P ( cnt help it, im a copycat ) hee. I miss u girls alot tho :(

And, IMISSHIMTOO :(  i don't know how people deal with distance, its like i'm so used not having him around, having him around makes it no different and i hate that feeling.

emo jap. will think of something to post soon. nytes!~

                                                   <3 cn we go back to old times alreadyy?

The Art of Screwing Up :)

so, u plan a gazzilion stuff in ur head thinking, this is gonna be it, this is what i'll do n this is exactly how it's gonna be done. then, BOOM! haha. there goes.
- u forget ur most importnat papers
- ur halfway down that bloody steep hill, and u realize u left ur id behind
- it rains. and you're late.
- no notes, no books. wrong bag.
- no wallet.and it's your last day to pay fees. haha.
- u walk around times square thinking, i'm gonna buy something, and your atm card is missing. and you freak out.
- you set the alarm to ring 5 times, one hit and it's broken. and you're 5 minutes late for exam. ( so much for waking up to study la kan? )
- your shoes snap. and you're in the friggin' ktm.
- some hot stuff tries his luck on you, you get excited, then BAM. you have a boyfrienddddd :P haha
- you just screw up.

i know i do. ALL THE TIME. and i'm glad i have so many people around me, who was thre thru it ol :) i love you girls :) can't wait to see you guys soon! :D

no thanks :)

i don't wanna fall for him. i don't wanna have that super long crushes on anyone anymore.i don't wanna keep thinking about him when there are others who wants me but all i can think of is how you treated me, how you made me feel like myself. how secure i felt. how different. it sucks, and its troubling me to the core. i just wanna feel zero right now and you're letting me do that. i saw someone who looked just like him in church today, and man, was my concentration gone for that whole time. fcuked up la. IDON'TNEEDTHIS.

since everyone is already on their way out of my life, you left much earlier and the rest is on their way,
i feel like i don't have anyone anymore.



peace out xD

h.a.f (home again finally)

all i wanna do is sleep right now. i wanna stop cracking my head about things that is shouldn't be cracking my head about. i just wanna be happy for real, for once. i wanna stay here, at home, this jungle as some would call it, for as long as possible. i wanna stop being so mad about everything and snap at the smallest thing possible.

heck, its been a long tiring week. mind boggling, soul exhausting. but nevertheless, IMHOMEYEAH. :):):)

i'm gonna sleep and sleep my ass off all day and take my baby for a ride. haha. it took me so long to realise that being here, at home is the only thing that makes me happy. truly happy. no worries, no problemos, no idiots to make me go crazy. yoloyoloyolo~  no assholes to blame me for everything. no guilt to carry.

i gotta admit. i was pretty excited to go home but got a lil' damped coz i thought i had to end up going home alone, well got sorta left in a daze but, no, i made my way babeh. i guess, i increased my independence level a bit la, improved coz i had guts to go n ask a junior if i could follow her to the station, lagi2 someone i was not very keen of but heck la, i had to go home. i had to de-stress. so i pun followed her and here i am, in my own casa (home) and am i not glad to be here.. AHAHA :D

and then you had to come and ruin my mood. and you did, real bad. i was trying to get rid of stinky farts out of my life, and you came, adding shit to it. i don't care what you have to say about me, that's sorta between us, but why drag my friends? you hate them alll you want but don't put them in the light of our problems. neither of us has the right to blame any of them for something they didn't do. none of us. why are you even messing with my head in the first place? am i really that entertaining? =.=" poor sashi, had to hear me blabber away.. sorry ka : ( i owe you one.

and my best friend. i think i owe you an apology. for whatever that i might have done that offended you. i don't know and i'm not sure but i feel like an idiot. so yeah, sorry :(  i'm gonna keep my distance now, i can't bear losing you like i lost them. i really can't.

and the rest of the world. chill man. :) and you, please call. i hate to admit that yeap, you're right. maybe having someone who knows me inside out makes me feel insecure, but deep down i'm really glad there's someone who understands.

imma say yes to this :)
nyte folks!

two four twenty eleven xD

i'm sorry if i was not there to give my shoulder,
i'm sorry if you think i don't care,
pardon me my words if it kills,
i'll make up for it, i will.

i'm trying my best, i'm doin what i can,

i wannna be the best for you,
your holding hand,
your crying shouder,
your little diary,
forgive me please when i fail,
i'm shitty at these kinda things,
i'm trying my best,
i'm truly sorry :'(


NEWSFLASH : I hate it here, i hate feeling like shit and have no one to talk about it to. I hate having people compare me to other people, especially the ones i'm not very fond of. I hate knowing that you're pretending when it comes to me, look, i;'m not that stupid kay, and IT SUCKS. I hate feeling like a hypocrite because.. well, i don't know and i hate myself for it.
I hate not being able to be there for those who need me. I hate not knowing what to  say when i want to comfort them. I hate not being what everyone needs. I hate not being me.


And to neutralise this emo-ness a little, I LOVE MY FRIENDS.
* I love the fact that :
= they are who they are
= i enjoy being around my roomates when they're not moody and grumpy
= they all care about each other, like we're real sisters
= we can do the weirdest, cacat-est things in the world, and laugh like crazy about it
= we all watch sad movies and cry, and cry and then laugh at each other
= despite whatever that happened, we all end looking out for each other's back, no matter how much we hate them.
= we can play and talk about anything, almost everything
= and i sayang SHIREEN <3<3 she's the sweeteset most ganas creature i know. and i love her despite she being the weirdest human dinosaur alive. owh, and she whacks like a monster, GANASSS..>.<

  see?

i don't have a title :)

Okies, it  might have been a gazillion years since i last updated, its not like anyone reads it oso kan? it doesn't matter and i couldnt cre less :P but nevertheless, TODAY, its update day! :):)

so, i don't know. a recap shall we? yeah, a recap sounds good.. well, well, first and foremost, ;

1) i had an AWESOMEBIRTHDAY! i had two cakes, an awesome party and a gross reception. i had all the awesome people there with me on my birthday and all the awesome greetings. It's amazing the day didn't turn out so bad.. FB was still an existing ssocial network, my tests were all postponed and i got gifts! ~ a bubbles pendant, appolo, a tub of ice cream, creamy bread, owh, and a pouch! loved it all :):) man, it was definitely one of the best bdays ever!! :D

2) Homely matters are getting worse. It's like everyone has something to say about someone around here, and there's always that one person that "started it all". I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having these people act like they know what's going on and poke their pointy noses into our business. It's just plain annoying  =.="

3) Sem3 SUCKS. I do not understand a word anybody's saying, ok maybe not a word, it's the whole damn sentence. Physics, Maths andCommunication Skills are dead boring subjects. I'd rather sleep all day than get into that uniform at 7am to go for these classes. You hear me? [saya mau tido!]

4) I'm still trying to figure out how selfishness and love works. Its amazing sometimes what some people can do for love and for themselves. Its like they don't give a damn about what other people feel, how much hurt and dissapointment they caused other people, all that matters is ME. Like seriously, would you do anything for the one you love? I doubt it. Ergh >.<

5) i don't know ady la. I malas suda.

See? This is why my blog would never survive :):):)
adios!

Dead and gone .

I pesonally believe if one is to be judged simply based on what she knows, how much she knows and why she knows things she shouldn't know, it's absurd. So what? Do I always have to explain myself? Just because i know what a girl shouldn't kknow, I become the most perverted girl you've known?

HYPOCRITES.

I don't even know who my real friends are anymore. They virtually dissapeared into thin air, leaving pain portions for me to take in. I am simply not capable of making decisions, not only for others but for myself as well. It hurts to know you are taking advantage of me, putting things into my mouth, breaking my only backup apart. They were there for me regardless what happened, and you're ruining it for me. It hurts to know in my face, you say one thing, and at the back of my head you say another. I admit, i was wrong, a hypocrite myself butI backed you up no matter what, because you actually mattered to me. Like, A LOT.  All of you. If this is how things are gonna be though, I don't think i give a damn anymore, i tried and i obviously suck at it and I love you guys a lot, i really do, but then again, if you can't take me the way I am, okay, whatever. I think amazingly, i don't mind. It's not like i don't know how it's done ryte anot?

haha. :D

knock on ;)

Ever since i got here, i sing like crazy. I do things i never thought i'd do. I'm extra hypersensitive. I've been called a whale, a ki siao and i'm in a group that makes me happy. We freakin' rock the class man, like secondary days. We laugh like there's no tommorow, and we're all muka tebal wan.. haha. We have haters but we couldn't care less, it's their own problem ain't it? I'm listening to all sorts of songs, chinese, tamil and even korean ( i never liked korean music) and ends up going leng chai and leng lui all the time. I can finally understand chinese and is in the process of brushing up my tamil. I've been insulted and felt extremely hurt but then again, forget and forgive. I met Kah Seng, super annoying and one of a kind. All my friends are one of a kind. I'm falling again and i hate it. I still feel insecure, afraid of people walking out on me. I love you guys, but i need time to develop trust. You hurt me, and the rest and i'm hoping that you see it. I have a family tree and i love it (although things went a lil wrong) :) I miss home. 4 people, I miss you. I like you. I appreciate you, a lot. I need you. I'm blabbering. I need to end this post.

:D:D u make me smile, BIG.

I haven't blogged in a while and that would most likely be because i'm too lazy to say anything, or the line here SUCKS. I'm like staying in a freakin' jungle for earth's sake.

FOR STARTERS :)

heh =.='

swing., im'in IT class and no one's bothered and i'm freakin blogging :P
gt pics to upload. later!

i need to find you.

The thing is :

Someone once told me, a friend who sees their needs beyond your own are first to be regarded as friends who would walk out on you when you need them most. As cheesy as it may sound, i love her, i really do, but things change, people change, and i'm pretty bad at coping with change. She walked out on me, and maybe, things are not the same anymore.. i simply have nothing to say to you anymore.,i lost you in time, i lost you in hatred for the things you did, i lost you in our friendship, i lost you when i wasn't making enough effort to fix things, i lost you when i was selfish and i'm truly sorry.. but you'll always be my friend, and i'll always be there for you, no matter what, and thank you for everything. Maybe best friends don't last forever after all, but i'm glad we were once the impossible. <3